2006-03-21 - 12:54 a.m.
Can I just tell you that I have become entirely addicted to these new little videoclips that you can see on sites like Youtube? Truly, technology has reached such new heights of fabulousness that you almost feel sorry for the folks who died 15 years ago, who didn’t live long enough to see the appalling things folks are willing to do with video cameras. Of course, most of you far hipper folks who are “with it” will be sitting there laughing merrily at me for being an old goat who is badly out of date and half way to the retirement home. But to me, Youtube is the most marvelous thing in all the world.
My word: There never was such an amazing site! It is a voyeur’s dream! I mean, it takes this whole Jackass culture that we have fallen into and brings it to a whole new level, combining it with the Yahoo webcams and porno voyeur sites. Folks will truly put anything on line – and someone, like me, who has nothing to do late at night but cry and cry and read stupid scripts will inevitably watch anything and everything that is available. You click a little square, and there’s a tape of a family having their dinner and screaming. There’s another square, and WHOOSH! You are whisked into a video of a Japanese rock band, warbling and shrieking in some impenetrable Oriental tongue. Hit another little square, and there’s a hot young man dancing around in his American Apparel briefs, clearly in a video love letter to his girlfriend.
Frankly, these sites are making pedophiles of us all, for, if you go to some of the gay outgrowths like Dudetube and Mister Rico, just to name a couple, you will discover an absolute clearing house of videos showing high school age boys, the downy fuzz on their cheeks only barely emergent, doing the most appallingly dirty things, seemingly in the privacy of their own video libraries. There is the naughty 14 year old, sitting in his computer chair in his baggy boxers. He puts on some goofy rock song, slides his hand inside his shorts, and nurses his teenage organ into an enormous erection that would threaten a jaw dislocation if anyone tried to fellate it – not that anyone ever has, since the kid is clearly a barely post-pubescent virgin. Probably he hasn’t even taken 10th Grade Geography yet, let alone his PSATs.
And let’s not talk about the Frat Hazing Videos. These are the most astonishing things that I have ever seen! I mean, frat hazing has gone on for centuries, as we know. And is there a man whose eye does not spring a tear upon contemplation of the sacred tradition of making an 18 year old boy strip to his briefs to eat a piece of raw liver? But the current trend amongst these idiot college kids now seems to be to put clips of the most humiliating moments of pledge initiation on line.
Maybe it’s done out of spite, I don’t know, but I don’t think I have ever seen so many 19 year old boys being dragged places in their underwear, often forced to wrestle in jello or made to lick up Taquila shots off of each other’s fuzzy treasure trails. On one level it’s disturbing – but it’s also no doubt shockingly titillating as well: You know these kids are minors, many of them. However, they have signed no documents proving their age – and their videos are anything but 2257 Compliant, referring to the law code that regulates minors performing in the porn biz.
I have to admit I think it’s disgusting that the government is just sitting there, trying to regulate the hell out of the things we want to see, from Howard Stern to ChiChilarue. They are happy if we see shows full of violence and death and greed – but one pert bottom and they go nuts! I guess, according to them, God loves Death – but not pleasure.
We know that their goal is to ensure that the only entertainment we are fed is churned out by the Great Horrid Propaganda Factory of the Government-Corporate Industrial Complex. They say, “Let there be more movies about sexless cute girl bubblegum rockstars who disguise themselves as boys to attend a fancy prep school! Let the news consist only of stories that the news editors think we want to hear, so we will buy their boxes of cereal and bottles of hair dye. Distract us from the fact that the US is becoming involved in a bloody Middle Eastern Civil War, by shrilly whipping up new incursions on our civil rights, claiming it’s ‘for the children.’”
Meanwhile, these so-called children are even now stealing their parents’ videocameras, used to tape family vacations to Yellowstone and to Disney World, and using them to prance around naked, with hard ons, or doing the boink boink with each other. Who are you going to prosecute when it is the CHILDREN who are making their own underage kiddie porn?
This is my favorite irony of all. It’s not the children who need protection: They’re the ones prancing about like naked horny jaybirds! It’s the grownups, who look at these videos and are then subject to being arrested for owning kiddy porn, simply because Dudetube or whoever hasn’t got documents on file saying the kids’ age. And why should they? These tapes are just all over the web. They are artistic freedom of expression. It’s a disgusting and ironic age we live in and no mistake. But I say to the little ones: You go, kiddies! You strip naked on cam and be as dirty as you like. I promise that I shall watch you! Isn’t that kind of me?
