2006-12-21 - 1:25 a.m.
The movie star came back last night. No, really, he did. I am not making it up. Here is this fellow who could just as easily have whipped open Heidi Fleiss’s little black book of male prostitutes to buy any of the shlongs he wanted in all the world – and he instead decided to hang out with me here at Casa JohnnyDarling. Is that not absurd? What’s not to like? He tried hard, too – he kept prevailing on me to meet up with him for something like two days straight.
I wonder if this sort of liaison was this commonplace in the days before the Internet allowed for such easy and speedy dalliances? I mean, in the olden days, if some movie star wanted to get laid, he’d probably have to get his agent or his manager to find him a “safe” boink for the purpose.
I remember hearing, back in the day, how huge talent agencies would hire young male hotties and promote them to “junior agent” status – but their entire purpose was to have sex with the closeted gay clients. I had an online pal who had this job for a couple of years. He was a former porn star, who went right from the mail room to the male room at William Morris – and his entire gig was spent on his knees or grabbing his ankles.
I suppose that even movie stars sometimes just don’t want to have an ‘arranged’ sex date. So the night before last, my young American Pie-boy sent me a whole flurry of e-mails, asking -- nay, begging -- to be allowed to come over “to hang out.” I, alas, had been away from home the entire evening – well, it was the last night of SURVIVOR, so I was over at my mother’s place watching the Asian guy out-scheme the Latin jock – and so I got back way after it was decent time to hook up with the young fellow. We exchanged a couple of rueful e-mails, and he told me he’d give me a buzz some other time.
Well, it was the very next night that he sent me yet another e-mail, pleading for an audience with Mister Happy, if you know what I mean. Who am I to say no to a horny movie star? And, besides, I find the entire situation to be such an unusual and amusing situation that the only thing to do is to totally encourage it. He told me that he had to get up for a mid-afternoon set call, so we agreed that our tryst would be a quick one.
It was, as is usual these days, Daddy Sex, which is, as you may know, the type of intercourse that takes place between a jaded old perv (such as myself) and a young boy who was probably abandoned or rejected by his own papa and is seeking a more mature fellow to assure him that wanting to have loads off semen over one’s face is a-ok. It’s all good, though, because the fellow was A Movie Star.
All right, perhaps I exaggerate a tad by calling him an actual Movie Star. As I have mentioned before, he is more a… B-list or D-list performer. But he’s recognizable. If I were a little more bald about it, I would mention to you his standout part and you would be saying, “Ehh, him? I know HIM. He’s the one? Weird.”
There are a couple of interesting things about hooking up with a movie star. The first is that they inevitably smell terrific. No, seriously: When a movie star arrives to have sex with you, he will inevitably be doused with the most expensive, most luscious pathcooli like skin cream cologne possible. You just want to sit back and smell him, and not even touch the guy.
It occurs to me that the movie star would think that, even worse than being accused of being gay and having gay sex, would be being accused of having a bad smelling body. A movie star’s penis will always smell of lavender. His pubic hair will be immaculately trimmed. And his ass will be as squeaky clean as innocence itself.
Another interesting thing about hooking up with a movie star is that his underwear is always going to be INCREDIBLE. I mean, the movie star will first pull down his jeans, which themselves cost something like 600 bucks and are so artfully torn that you know Isaac Mizrahi himself was on his knees with the pinking shears to make the holes.
Underneath the amazing multi-million dollar jeans, he shall be wearing these incredible boxer shorts, with blue stripes or intricate patterns on them. The boxers will be spotlessly, dry cleaner clean – and how else would they be, since they were created by silkworms in China and smuggled along the Great Kush.
In addition, when the movie star arrives to have sex with you, he will be wearing these fancy, trendy spectacles that might cost about as much as the rent paid by everyone in your apartment building. And he will also be carrying a sort of Blackberry, Nokia Cell phone that glows and shimmers, beeps and wriggles, and, when he presses a button on it, it emits a sort of red-glowing love mist, like you might find on Plato’s Retreat.
All right, perhaps I am making up that bit, but the movie star did have the fanciest cell phone blackberry thing that I ever did see. It was extremely fancy, I must say. And it was alarming when it loudly played some classical music while the movie star was fellating me.
My penis popped out of the movie star’s mouth and he murmured, “Eh, that’s my girlfriend.”
“Oh, you wanna get that?” I replied.
“Naw,” the movie star replied. “She knows I play around. Hell, we both play around. She’s into girls, anyway.”
I had done my due diligence before the movie star showed up, and had seen the photos of the movie star and his girlfriend. So, really, I was learning so much about Hollywood today. It was clear that the gay movie star and his lesbian girlfriend had been fixed up by their respective agents – and that they were together entirely for show.
Anyway, I will let you in on a secret. The truth of the matter is, I am not entirely sure I enjoy having sex with movie stars. You see, when push comes to shove – and if you are not receiving any movie star-related lucre or reward from the experiences – a movie star is just a fella, like any other fella, no better or worse. And don’t get me wrong, he’s a very cute fella – tall and lean and 26 with a perky, movie star smile. Yet, I did find his aura of entitlement to be off putting, even when he was being a submissive bottom boy.
Also interesting was how little he resembled the Happy Go Lucky fellow he portrays in the several movies he has made. He actually comes across as rather uptight, and maybe more than a bit arrogant. Not to me, of course – but you could see just the way he was and his whole personality. So I do not need to boink another movie star, I must tell you. I shall stick to hot blue collar guys and shy Asian computer geeks, thanks.
